Thursday, 08 April 2010
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My aspie child
october 13th 2005 the best day of my life. The day my sweet son was born. Healthy and just all around gorgeous. He never left my side for more than a few minutes and i barely let anyone hold him he was so precious. He never had a babysitter outside of my parents. No more could love her baby as much as i did. October 28th 2007 i decided to put my son in daycare to give him some socialization and interaction that i couldnt provide in the home and almost 3 weeks late the preschool director had a conference with me and thought my son was delayed! Did she not see how adorable and sweet he was. Being my first born i didnt know that 2 year olds talk. I had no idea. I had references from so many agencies and my own case worker and my used to be healthy never had been in the hospital before child was being shifted from dr to specialist almost weekly. I now had people coming to my home and observing him weekly. No one could tell me why he was so delayed. A year came and gone and the specialist told me it was speech disorder. so i enroll him in speech class. The speech patholgist told me she thinks he resembles a lot of children with autism.
My heart sank.You think my son is RETARD?? I agree he is a little slower than his other classmates but im sure he will catch up. So i take him to another agency and my pediatrician and no clean answers. Its so complicated i wanted to give up. Keep him in a little bubble untouched and wild.
The the little man started into the next class and the other classmates were calling him a baby in diapers and mean awful things and excluded him from many activities. They said he belonged in the baby class and it really hurt me. That my son had no friends. He exceled in so much and knew his alphabet his numbers his shapes and so much i glazed over the delays such as toileting and socialization.
He has been very focused and can recite anything from memory. I was so impressed how can some so smart have special needs? will i be parking in the handicapped spots? will i be taking him to adult day care? do they go to normal school? i had so many questions. i have so many questions.
Now at 4 years old he is being agressive because he wants friends nad cannot communicate with them normally. He is pinching me and his family members. He cant peddle a trike. He is going into kidnergarten and isnt potty trained and can barely communicate. He has so much potential and i have so many hopes for him.
Did i mention i am doing this on my own? against the will of my family who think this all in my and his schools head and we are making this up to make kaleb look bad? His father died when he was born. I have had to take many days off work and school to make accomodations for him. I havnt had bf in over 4 years because i have been told he was too hyper and wierd.
People are so insensitive. I go to supermarket out of necessitiy and my son is twirling around or worse running away toward an open door to get out. I cant go anywhere because he constantly is trying to run away. its like living with someone with ocd. he has this little rituals. my own family calls him a retard and i spoiled him to much. i dont think i could ever had another baby because when i babysit his baby cousin he tries to smother her with a pillow and thinks is funny or he tries to hit her and take away her bottles. Then at the same time when she is crying he says whats the matter baby do u need to change your diapers and geta lil sad himself. Also like living with somoene who is bipolar. The way he screams when he is upset you think i was murdering him. I havnt had a full nites rest in years and he refuses to sleep in his own bed. i wake up and he is in my bed. I cant have a real job because my life is devoted to getting him help and im just to tired. no one wants to babysit him. so i can only work 6 hours a day. i cant babysit children anylonger because its a safety issue unless they are older and i used to that supplementy. i dont think i could consider ever getting pregnant and having another baby because he kicks me all nite long in the stomache and id wake up in the middle of the nite and see my baby with a pillow over her face prolly. i have the drag my son anywhere new because he has to have his rituals. (i dread the first day of kidnergarten). i cant work out anymore because the gym daycare wont take him because he screams at the other children. I cant go on dates bc i dont have anyone to care for my kid. i cant go to an amusement park anymore bc i lost him at the waterpark when i went there. Its just embaressing. i cant cook that often because he gets in my face and in the way of the hot food. so since i cant work and cant cook im getting fatter and im living off welfare checks and foodstamps.
I was really happy when my son was born. and there are little triumphs along the way like when he tries to write his name and calls me mommy and when he cuddles with me on the couch. sometimes i just want to give him up for adoption and live a full normal life for the both us. maybe im not strong enough for this. i want more out of life. i feel so depressed. everyday is a struggle and these drs and specialist cant give me a clean answer. there needs to be a change before i reach the end of my rope.
-
My aspie child
october 13th 2005 the best day of my life. The day my sweet son was born. Healthy and just all around gorgeous. He never left my side for more than a few minutes and i barely let anyone hold him he was so precious. He never had a babysitter outside of my parents. No more could love her baby as much as i did. October 28th 2007 i decided to put my son in daycare to give him some socialization and interaction that i couldnt provide in the home and almost 3 weeks late the preschool director had a conference with me and thought my son was delayed! Did she not see how adorable and sweet he was. Being my first born i didnt know that 2 year olds talk. I had no idea. I had references from so many agencies and my own case worker and my used to be healthy never had been in the hospital before child was being shifted from dr to specialist almost weekly. I now had people coming to my home and observing him weekly. No one could tell me why he was so delayed. A year came and gone and the specialist told me it was speech disorder. so i enroll him in speech class. The speech patholgist told me she thinks he resembles a lot of children with autism.
My heart sank.You think my son is RETARD?? I agree he is a little slower than his other classmates but im sure he will catch up. So i take him to another agency and my pediatrician and no clean answers. Its so complicated i wanted to give up. Keep him in a little bubble untouched and wild.
The the little man started into the next class and the other classmates were calling him a baby in diapers and mean awful things and excluded him from many activities. They said he belonged in the baby class and it really hurt me. That my son had no friends. He exceled in so much and knew his alphabet his numbers his shapes and so much i glazed over the delays such as toileting and socialization.
He has been very focused and can recite anything from memory. I was so impressed how can some so smart have special needs? will i be parking in the handicapped spots? will i be taking him to adult day care? do they go to normal school? i had so many questions. i have so many questions.
Now at 4 years old he is being agressive because he wants friends nad cannot communicate with them normally. He is pinching me and his family members. He cant peddle a trike. He is going into kidnergarten and isnt potty trained and can barely communicate. He has so much potential and i have so many hopes for him.
Did i mention i am doing this on my own? against the will of my family who think this all in my and his schools head and we are making this up to make kaleb look bad? His father died when he was born. I have had to take many days off work and school to make accomodations for him. I havnt had bf in over 4 years because i have been told he was too hyper and wierd.
People are so insensitive. I go to supermarket out of necessitiy and my son is twirling around or worse running away toward an open door to get out. I cant go anywhere because he constantly is trying to run away. its like living with someone with ocd. he has this little rituals. my own family calls him a retard and i spoiled him to much. i dont think i could ever had another baby because when i babysit his baby cousin he tries to smother her with a pillow and thinks is funny or he tries to hit her and take away her bottles. Then at the same time when she is crying he says whats the matter baby do u need to change your diapers and geta lil sad himself. Also like living with somoene who is bipolar. The way he screams when he is upset you think i was murdering him. I havnt had a full nites rest in years and he refuses to sleep in his own bed. i wake up and he is in my bed. I cant have a real job because my life is devoted to getting him help and im just to tired. no one wants to babysit him. so i can only work 6 hours a day. i cant babysit children anylonger because its a safety issue unless they are older and i used to that supplementy. i dont think i could consider ever getting pregnant and having another baby because he kicks me all nite long in the stomache and id wake up in the middle of the nite and see my baby with a pillow over her face prolly. i have the drag my son anywhere new because he has to have his rituals. (i dread the first day of kidnergarten). i cant work out anymore because the gym daycare wont take him because he screams at the other children. I cant go on dates bc i dont have anyone to care for my kid. i cant go to an amusement park anymore bc i lost him at the waterpark when i went there. Its just embaressing. i cant cook that often because he gets in my face and in the way of the hot food. so since i cant work and cant cook im getting fatter and im living off welfare checks and foodstamps.
I was really happy when my son was born. and there are little triumphs along the way like when he tries to write his name and calls me mommy and when he cuddles with me on the couch. sometimes i just want to give him up for adoption and live a full normal life for the both us. maybe im not strong enough for this. i want more out of life. i feel so depressed. everyday is a struggle and these drs and specialist cant give me a clean answer. there needs to be a change before i reach the end of my rope.
